You see there is a second side of this story. When I was 16 my brother brought my husband, Randall to our Easter dinner. The rest is history, we got married when I was 19 and he was 21. As you can imagine, there were LOT of growing pains. We were young and immature and plus I had lot of emotional baggage from my childhood of being rapped and molested for years which started to surface after I got married and sex came into picture.
It’s kinda funny but Randall’s heart was ALWAYS in the ministry. Sharing the gospel and helping whoever needed it. And this is why I REALLY FELL in love with this man. But as life happens, bills and kids, this is what brought a HUGE gap and resentment in my heart. I was working full time and Randall was working part time at Shari’s and giving his time for free at the church. I worked during the day and Randall worked at night. We did this because we wanted to raise our kids and money was tight. It was a perfect storm. My resentment grew bigger and bigger to a point I would cry out to God for divorce. This was our 5th year of marriage. But I knew that divorce was wrong and I could not divorce him.
Then the news hit. I was pregnant again with my 3rd child. My 2nd child was only 3 months old. I had JUST went back to work from maternity leave. As I sat there at the doctor’s office and the nurse told me I was pregnant I just broke into a huge sob. In my head I was thinking, how can this be, I can’t be pregnant. I am having hard time already with the other 2 how are we going to provide for one more. I am going to get divorce and I am going to be stuck with 3 kids. OMG I can’t do this.” The nurse told me after seeing my reaction, “you know you don’t have to have this baby.” I told her my husband would NEVER go for abortion . Then she told me that he did not have to know. I can do it privately. She told me to go home and think about it and let her know.